It has been almost 5 months since I last wrote here. I stopped having a presence on social media and even distanced myself from my close circle of friends. It wasn’t because I needed a break from exposure or anything like that; I had all the ambition and love in the world for my project when I stopped doing it.
Let me explain why.
Sometimes, life puts opportunities in front of you that, if you don’t seize them, you’ll spend the future wondering what would have happened if you had taken that path. Well, at the end of April, that happened to me. An opportunity that shook up my plans, one worthy of appreciation and value. And I decided to dive right in. It was a much more ambitious project, inviting me to aim far higher than I was aiming with the project I had created: global reach, international recognition… The catch was, my own project had to be put aside because I had to dedicate all my efforts to this new opportunity. And with a mix of fear and excitement, I jumped straight in. They say that when those two feelings mix, it’s the right path.
I have spent the past 5 months of my life collaborating on the development of this project; I’ve learned, I’ve cried, I’ve laughed a lot, I’ve met exceptional people from all corners of the world, and I’ve witnessed different global educational models and the differences in values among people from diverse backgrounds. It has been a deeply enriching time.
However, despite the passion and dedication, as time went on I realized this wasn’t the right way.
I fell back into old patterns that I thought could no longer happen from my position as a founder, but they happened anyway: the need to produce quickly, without respecting internal rhythms or my body’s signals—making myself ill—over-exertion, the inability to stop, the guilt of not doing enough, of not being ENOUGH, of not knowing how to do it better, of not having the ideal idea the project needs, of not having all the answers… All of this dragged me back into a spiral, a rat race, into sensations I thought I would never experience again. A cumulative weight of situations and tensions that I am no longer willing to bear.
I feel that my inner being has evolved in such a way that it is crystal clear about what is meant for me and what isn’t, and unfortunately, despite the excitement and all the hard work done, that wasn’t it.
I know for a fact that I want ambition and a lot of movement in my present and future—hard work doesn’t scare me—but I also want flexibility and respect for myself and my own timeline. I want to make my own decisions and be the one who bears the consequences. I am building my life on my own terms, in harmony with my environment and respectful of my values, and I am very proud of it.
I only feel gratitude for this time of learning, for the wonderful people I’ve met along this journey, for the countless new things I’ve had the chance to experience, learn, and put into practice, for the diversity of thoughts I’ve been able to connect with, and for the awareness of the rich tapestry of values and experiences that shape each of the different beings that make up this world, which makes us unique.
I don’t want to give up any part of who I am just to fit into a mold, even if that mold could take me much further in the rational, mainstream terms of success. I am already a millionaire.
Thank you for reading. And let me remind you: allow yourself to expect the best.
I’m back :)